Follow-Up:
Dear One, I can somewhat identify with this experience. Once I had gotten food poisoning - at least I believe that was it - in which I woke up in the middle of the night with a very high fever and purging violently from both ends. I was delirious from fever and it felt so horrifying real that the devil - something so horrifyingly evil - was in my backbone. I was terrified and was about to lose it - and seriously believe I was going to scream until I lost my sanity forever. But, the logic voice of my mind "spoke" and reminded myself that I had a high fever and was delirious, and that this was a hallucination feeling. I'll tell you, I had to fight hard - with Arnold Schwartzenegger emotional muscle - to keep that idea as the dominant experience, that it was a hallucination and not real, because it sure felt real. I have since come down with an auto-immune disease and now whenever I have get a bacterial infection or some nasty activation of virus (?) I get Hell nightmares. They seem so real and are so disturbing and I have to remind myself it isn't real, it's an illness response. I have since listened to Joseph Campbell's tapes on mythology and philosophy and find it so interesting the concepts of yin/yang energies - good and evil - health and illness. I advise you to do this because it will objectify the experience and terror, and will give you a better handle on lessening the emotional hallucination of which it is. It sounds like it is establishing a chemical/thought pattern in your brain/mind. Something you want to pattern out. You can do it, dear one. You're fortunate to have such a good good friend to help. This brings to mind of all the "good" scary movies - The Exorcist, Rosemary's Baby, and the latest, The Ring. We know it's not real, but did you ever think about where the ideas come from? Surely from the delirium experiences like ours when we have fallen ill. Wish you the best to win the battle of logic and rational mind vs. the delirium of hallucination illness. With love, Sandy